Catch the Falling Stars

i really should learn to just expect being sick during finals or midterms. it's whatever. i just have to get through everything. it'd be great if i didn't have mono as well. i've been sleeping 13-14 hours a night and needing naps during the day. this has happened before though, it may just be how my body reacts to stress, idk. getting blood tests tomorrow.

2 papers, 2 finals, then summer.

last full week at vassar...um WHAT?

in the midst of all the crazy and the stress and the depression, i'm going to try to savor this weekend as much as possible. matt, melissa, and amanda are coming up for founder's day. i will be drunk all saturday (founder's day). it's my 20th birthday on sunday. and i will have declared my major finally. also, fiona's officially my roommate. there will be a lot of happy this weekend and i want to enjoy every memory i make. i know the next few weeks are going to be hell on earth, but none of it will matter this weekend.

Done. Fucking done. Get me home, I want out of here.

If you Google my name, the article about me in Counties from senior year comes up. I can't believe I forget about that day because it really is one of my greatest accomplishments. It's good to remember how grateful I am for having been fencing captain. I learned so much about myself and went through so much personally that year, but I still think I was a pretty good captain. Such an amazing experience.

I've come so far personally since then, but I still have a long way to go. My anxiety's been acting up again because of life decisions and such but I'm really trying to focus on taking care of myself and savoring college. If I don't, I know I'll regret it.

I'll write more about life soon. Just kind of saw this writer's block and thought I'd give it a try. I hope everyone has a lovely day tomorrow in the nice warm weather.

another round of exams, another round of feeling like school isn't for me, isn't what makes me happy. this really is a terrible cycle and it happens every single time exams come around. dislike. it definitely impairs my studying way more than it should. note to self: work on this.

that lovely stomach virus last week has reared its ugly head again this week. no complete misery, just a tiny bit and i still can't seem to put anything in my stomach without it hurting. so basically no energy. no energy + no motivation = awesome combo for exams haha.

on the plus side, break is so soon and i only have to get through this one paper before i'm done. jane's coming home with me for the first few days of break which should be fun and i'm seeing the winterguard show on saturday :)

i definitely miss my parents too. so looking forward to being in a home with people i love and edible food! :)


~Live poetically, love romantically, laugh authentically, cry unapologetically~

i already felt like i didn't belong here...i didn't need friends reinforcing that...that hurts

i'm so happy this semester is almost over. i've gotten to the point where i start to hate people here

"To dream that you are smoking indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions."

One dream the other night, another dream during my nap this morning

uber hot asian guy at a party last night...beautiful to look at.
 threw a drink at a guy for the first time in my life because he fucking deserved it
  woke up at 9 this morning...and have been in my room ever since.
   very much anti-people/life today
     getting frustrated with amount of social, emotional, academic, sexual pressure here...break will be wonderful 
      mom's visit was wonderful
       not having a camera at all is killing me...i miss photography
        standstill                                                                                                                                  
         void
          it's been exactly one year and i don't even know why i hold onto any part of it


it's not enough to just "get some".....even if a guy were in the picture, i'd need more

 I refuse to put up with any more bullshit from guys. I can't allow myself to fall for the stupid things that always get me. I'm better than that. I deserve someone who's real and I think I may have to take on the tough bitch attitude without actually becoming a bitch. I have to stay strong this time or else I may crumble.